Not Quite Heaven - Radio Movie - Call for Voice Actors
An audio drama series of eight episodes.
Call for Episodes 2-8
EMMA (50s): Frumpy, grumpy, busybody, village lady – any UK accent.
GIGI (40s): village lady, Indian British, likes to wear a sari. She has a romantic idea of English village life and is enthusiastic to be part of it.
DRAKE (50s): Montserrat’s butler, funereal man, with a proper old-fashioned RP voice and manner.
PRISCILLA (20s): aristocratic, privileged, British, works in the banking world
APPLE (20s): American (west coast) comes from a moneyed family; she works in the banking world. She is knowledgeable on a wide range of subjects.
BERT (40S): black cab driver. He is wise, confident and caring.
Minicab Driver – (40s) South Asian accent. Disappointed that Britain has not lived up to its promise.
Vicar (70s) became a C of E priest in his retirement.
Mobile phone AI voice – (Nigerian female) – the African Alexa
Who is stealing pensions by the million? In a picturesque village all is not well. Bribes, kidnapping, financial skulduggery and mysterious deaths set Sylvia on a dangerous path to castles, cocktails, and cabs, while trying to find her son and stop a billionaire’s quest for ever more power.
Technical Specifications
Please submit your audio auditions to celine@mysteriousmovies.com
Subject line: NQH Audition – CHARACTER NAME example: NQH Audition – EMMA
Please record in the most non-echoic space possible with the best mic possible.
Please do three different takes of the character.
File Requirements:
- WAV, at least 44.1khz, though preferably 48khz, 24 bit or 32 bit
- Please only send the raw file with no noise reduction or cleaning – we will do that our end to ensure consistency for our production.
Label the file with: NQH_CHARACTER-NAME_Your-name_Deadline-date_Take-number.wav
Here’s an example: NQH_EMMA_Jane-Doe_28-May-2021_Take-01.wav
Note that selected actors will be asked if they could also do a minor 1-2 line character and some background walla.
If possible, please include a link to your voice reel.
Audition Sides
EMMA (50s): Frumpy, grumpy, busy body, village lady – any UK accent.
Total lines: 51 – Pay £30
Direction: These village ladies are on many committees such as heritage, gardening, church organ fund and the conservative party. Today they are debating what to do about the bribe that has turned up and whether or not to do the requested action. Emma is stressed about this and many other things. She is good at demanding that things happen, just not great at doing them herself.
Location: INT. MEETING ROOM – DAY
EMMA: We haven’t got long. It says here we have a week to respond.
SYLVIA: Yes.
GIGI: A forced deadline. That is also normal in India.
SYLVIA: I’d better get home.
EMMA: What about our other meetings?
GIGI: Yes, we’re supposed to be picking our council candidate.
EMMA: And the garden club accounts are due.
ALICE: And we need to decide our concerts for the music club.
JOSIE: And the church organ fundraiser still needs to be booked.
SYLVIA: Yes, of course. Look, I’ve got it all sorted out. Can we deal with it all on Monday?
EMMA: It’s not very satisfactory.
Small parts include: Phyllis, local MP, RP accent
GIGI (40s): village lady, Indian British, likes to wear a sari. She has a romantic idea of English village life and is enthusiastic to be part of it.
Total lines: 41 – Pay £30
Direction: she is both worldly and accepting of this odd situation.
Location – community hall, historical society meeting. They are opening a letter that has come for the committee.
SYLVIA: Oh, my..
GIGI: Is it government demanding money?
SYLVIA: This isn’t the government. HMG stands for the Hugo Montserrat Group. He’s threatening to sue us if we block the development.
GIGI: Montserrat? Wait a minute. I’ve got a letter from him personally. It’s somewhere in my bag.
SOUND: Gigi roots around in a huge, shoulder-mounted handbag.
SYLVIA: Do you know him?
GIGI: No, I mean it is for us. The Conservatives. It’s a donation.
EMMA: I think we should stick to one meeting before we do the next.
SYLVIA: I have a feeling these two things are linked.
ALICE: How much is it?
GIGI: I haven’t counted it.
SYLVIA: You mean it’s cash?
GIGI: Yes, that is normal, isn’t it?
DRAKE (50s): Montserrat’s butler, funereal man, with a proper old-fashioned RP voice and manner.
Total lines: 35 – Pay £25
Direction: formal
Location: 54. EXT. CRANSTON HALL – EVENING
SOUND: Sylvia changing shoes then walking away in heels. Grand doorbell of the castle like mansion rings. Then the door creaks open.
DRAKE: Good evening.
SYLVIA: Is it really? Oh my. It’s seven o’clock. Well then, good evening.
DRAKE: Madame?
SOUND: Shuffling in her handbag.
SYLVIA: I’ve got an invitation somewhere…
DRAKE: It’s all right, Mrs Beech. We’ve been expecting you. Do come in.
SYLVIA: Thank you
DRAKE: You will find the main body of revellers in the ballroom.
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Small parts include: Kiosk Operator
PRISCILLA (20s): aristocratic, privileged, British, works in the banking world
Total lines: 43 – Pay £30
Direction: RP accent, quite drunk and looking to have fun.
SOUND: Butler’s footsteps exiting.
PRISCILLA: Shhh, the coast is clear.
SOUND: Two women’s tipsy footsteps creep back into the room. The cigarette case opens and snaps shut.
PRISCILLA: Ug, cigarettes are ghastly things.
SOUND: Then whoosh the curtain aside.
PRISCILLA: (mocking Drake) Madame, may we be of assistance.
SOUND: Two women giggling. Noises in the next room.
PRISCILLA: Shhh..
APPLE: (to Priscilla) Now where?
PRISCILLA: Do as the man said! Into the garden!
APPLE: The Middle Pond?
PRISCILLA: (giggling) Of course. Come on.
—————————
Small parts include: Newsreader, Station Tannoy
APPLE (20s): American (west coast) heritage comes from a moneyed family; she works in the banking world. She is knowledgeable on a wide range of subjects.
Total lines: 33 – Pay £25
Direction: American Accent, quite drunk and looking to have fun.
Location: EXT. MIDDLE POND (in the castle/mansion) – EVENING
SOUND: Three sets of heals crunching over pea gravel. A small fountain bubbles into a large pond in the background.
APPLE: Just in case, I snagged you some champagne.
SYLVIA: Thank you.
APPLE: Drake can be a meanie.
SYLVIA: I think it was something else.
PRISCILLA: He’s only doing his job. He’s not a bad stick, actually. He was awfully good to mummy when she was ill.
SYLVIA: You used to live here?
PRISCILLA: No, but we knew the previous owner and it was a lovely place to come for summer.
APPLE: Drink up. Canapés?
PRISCILLA: So come on, spill the beans. Are you a spy or from the BBC?
APPLE: (to Priscilla) Priss, let her get her breath. She’s not one of your office skivvies. (to Sylvia) She’s a slave driver. I’m glad she’s not my boss.
—————————
Small parts include: Speakerphone
Minicab Driver – (40s) South Asian accent. Disappointed that Britain has not lived up to its promise.
Total lines: 12 – Pay £20
Direction: Tired and fed up and a bit shifty.
Location: INT. MINICAB – EVENING
SOUND: Car slows and turns into a drive.
SYLVIA: It’s a castle! I thought I knew every one in the country.
DRIVER: I do not like it.
SYLVIA: Turrets, crenulations and battlements – the only thing missing is a draw-bridge.
DRIVER: It is being haunted. Could bring bad luck to my son.
SYLVIA: Haunted! That’s all I need.
SOUND: Car stops suddenly.
SYLVIA: Drive to the door, please.
DRIVER: No, it is being too much risk.
SYLVIA: Oh alright. How much is it please?
DRIVER: Let us call it 25 quids.
—————————
Small parts include: Police Announcer, Male Phone Voice (2) (Middle Eastern accent)
BERT (40S): black cab driver. He is wise, confident and caring.
Total lines: 26 – Pay £25
Direction: Friendly and chatty
Location INT. CAB – DAY
SYLVIA: (reading) Good Lord!
BERT: You readin’ a thriller?
SYLVIA: Sort of. I’m sorry to bother you, but could we go somewhere else?
BERT: Anywhere you like, luv. I’ve got all day as long as the meter’s running.
SYLVIA: £25 already, it’s certainly working all right. I need to get to Highgate. Near the cemetery.
BERT: Someone just died?
SYLVIA: In a way, yes.
BERT: Sounds very mysterious.
Vicar (70s) became a C of E priest in his retirement.
Total lines: 18 – Pay £20
Direction: enthusiastic but a bit muddled
Location: INT. CHURCH – DAY
VICAR: Oh dear…Thank you to Emma, Josie, Alice and Gigi for their work on the organ committee.
GIGI: You are most very welcome, vicar.
EMMA: Everyone, please come to the fundraising fete.
VICAR: Um…And now for our reading from the New Testament.
SOUND: Paper shuffling.
VICAR: I have Mrs Beech down here as the reader. Is she still with us? I mean is she here this morning?
—————————
Small parts include: Ticket Inspector, Panhandler, Villager
Mobile Phone AI Voice – Nigerian Female – the African Alexa
Total lines: 5 – Pay £15
Direction: calm and articulate
Location: INT. WAITING ROOM – DAY
MOBILE PHONE AI VOICE (female Nigerian accent): Hi Akuchi, Nether Cranston is in Shropshire, England, and the nearest station is Wattleborough.
SYLVIA: That’s marvellous. It even knows your name.
TICKET CLERK : Yes, Akuchi means wealth from God, but I will not get rich working here.
SYLVIA: No, I don’t suppose you will. How do I get to Wattleborough?
TICKET CLERK: Wait a minute, please. Okay Nigeria, how do you get to Wattleborough from Spindlethorpe?
MOBILE PHONE AI VOICE: Hi Akuchi. That is a long and complicated journey and you should drive. But if not, I suggest you connect your printer to my socket and I will print it out for you.